Practical Parenting notes

Notes from our May mtg, with guest speaker Tracey Johnson of Practical Parenting

Practical parenting is on FB - Like it!

Tracey is the mother of two children, an 8 year old and 5 year old, one biological and one adoptive

Here are rough notes from her talk on talking with kids about sex:

• self concept and self confidence are essential for a child/person to feel at peace with themselves
• name all the parts of your body without "funny" names - makes it less weird, inculcate your kids to sexual abuse, reduce vulnerability by having language to talk about it
• perpetrators pick kids who aren't comfortable with their bodies or lack self esteem/confidence...they test until they think they won't tell an adult, it's the kid who doesn't know enough/better who gets abused
• explain what private means - just for you - parts are permanent
• discussed prudeness/discomfort level of others - parents set their own personal/cultural boundaries for what is acceptable - there is no "right" level of exposure nudity
• share birth stories - child thought all moms had to be "sewn up" since their mom had a c-section - talk about it from the get go - book called "it's not the stork"
• don't dodge questions - kids who can understand aren't too young to learn - rather fumble with a two year old than get blushy with a two year old - be matter of fact "does it hurt? yes!" we were built to fit together like a puzzle
• 8 1/2 yo is suddenly grossed out by parents kissing - totally normal
• discussed media influence - once you tween/teens are on FB, make sure to friend them and post/check-in regularly - others with moderate themselves if a parent is paying attention
• kids are very curious about different families
• kids learn self concept about age 3 - start to play more gender specific roles/play ask questions to explore and differentiate - one daughter was a total princess at age 7 and a year later she's a total tom boy who has "banned pink"
• they are just figuring out who they want to be - indulge them to some degree
• sex play is normal, playing doctor is OK as long as the kids are the same age - track/engage closely - mitigate if needed, explain that you don't share private parts - ask them to get clothes back on to talk some more, answer their question (maybe read a book) - set limits for future play
• one parent shared how their 6yo son one minute doesn't want them to look at his penis and then five minutes later is jumping around naked, there is a new awareness
• is bathing together OK? Yes, usually they start to want their own privacy and there is no need to set any age limit, just a simple policy of no touching private parts
• use bath time as a small conservation about what OK with private parts - kids don't bathe with other adults

Stranger danger:

• make plans together for what happens if you loose each other
• ask kids to find women in the store (much less likely to abuse) or a mommy with kids
• have kids ask for their own stickers at the checkout line - if they are too shy to ask for a sticker, they won't be comfortable asking for help
• most dogs are friendly, but always ask the owner first
• explain that some grown ups don't know the rules about kids and how to keep them safe - if an adult ever makes you feel unsafe, tell me immediately
• sometimes it's just a funny feeling - it's important to listen to your body and let me know
• don't leave with another adult - a trust worthy adult would call me
• doctors are OK - they are a safe place
• recommended book - protecting the gift
• don't get in a car or go home or get off the bus
• just because you've met them before, doesn't mean it's OK - there is only a small circle of friends who it's OK, and they would call mommy/daddy
• sleep overs - review safety rules, don't climb out windows, no knives, private parts - no touching, more details as they get older - even when it get embarrassing (maybe for both of you)
• playgrounds - kids will let their guard down because it feels like a safe zone
• no one should make it scary - you know your kids
• set boundaries - make them earn your trust to gain responsibility
• 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused, 1 in 7 boys - 70% is from within family or acquaintances
• the long term impact of abuse is HUGE and deep
• make kids comfortable with their bodies early - more likely to have positive adult sexual relationships
• define stranger - someone mom and dad doesn't know
• strangers are like dogs - you can't tell until you are introduced, and it's important that parents are with you when you meet them
• different cultures have different views - explain/discuss them as they arise
• when is OK to let your child walk to school? - as with all parenting, you set your limits and decide your personal/family boundaries
• cell phone - limit access, lots of pros and cons, convenience and safety at a point, creates a much bigger world - kids don't look at each other...they are on their "phones"
• media - keep them gently aware, help them make choices
• limiting screen time makes them less vulnerable
• comfortable and confident kids make happy and safe kids

February Meeting Notes: Part-time/Flex time/Job share

Our meeting today focused on job-sharing and part-time.

Ingrid Fish, Naomi Tsurumi, and Havilah Ferschweiler shared their experience with job-sharing.  Ingrid worked in a job-share with OMF for almost a year and is now at BPS part-time.  Naomi currently works for BES in a job-share position, and Havilah is returning from an extended maternity leave where she is beginning her job-share with ONI.

Each of these job-shares ranged from being initiated by the employee (as in Ingrid’s case, where she and a co-worker went to their supervisor proposing the job-share; and in Havilah’s case, where she asked her manager specifically for a job-share position) to being initiated by the employer (in Naomi’s case, where she had requested part-time and her manager proposed a job-share to keep 1.0 FTE). 

Ingrid and her co-worker first proposed their job-share to their manager who did not like the idea, and they dropped the idea altogether.  When he retired and their new supervisor seemed open to it (his wife works a job-share position with the state), they brought it up again.  Her new supervisor went to council to ask for the extra .2 FTE so that she and her co-worker could each work .6 FTE (totaling 1.2 FTE).  Their positions required lots of communication.  They overlapped by one day, so that they could meet and coordinate.  Her experience may be unique to OMF because of the intense budget season and “off-season”.  It worked well because she maintained a good relationship with her co-worker (fellow CityMama Stacey Jones), whom she also sees outside of work.  During budget season, it worked less well – she and Stacey found themselves putting in a lot of extra time for which they were not being paid (it was a salary position, fixed at .6 FTE).  The stress and inflexibility eventually ended the arrangement.  She advised that it may be easier if the job-share partners don’t share the workload but work independently; otherwise communication is the key, and it helps to be friends outside of work, though that is not always possible. 

Naomi and her job-share partner work independently, and that arrangement has worked so far.  They are the only job-share in BES currently.  Job-share has been frustrating when holidays force her to take 4 hours of vacation or unpaid time (see COPPEA notes below). 

Havilah is in the midst of arranging her job-share situation; she is currently filling one of the slots and the other slot is currently being filled by a temp but will soon be an open recruitment position.  She feels the pressure to “make it work” since this is a first for ONI and she feels she is setting a precedent.  Her manager felt that the job-share would be less vulnerable to cuts than a part-time position during budget time since ONI is very budget-conscious and part-time positions are often the first to get cut.  She will keep us posted!

Rachel Whiteside, COPPEA Vice President, shared some of the new contract rules with regard to part-time employment. Highlights:

o   When eligible for vacation accrual increases, they occur on the year of your anniversary (not the specific anniversary date, as before) – for part-time or full-time employees

o   City maintained its 95-5 percent split for health benefits

o   PTE, permanent employees have the same seniority/recall rights as FTE.  It is based on years of service, not prorated to hours worked.  For instance, if a part-time position gets cut, the PTE with more seniority than a FTE would have the option to take the full-time position.

o   For the first year of the contract (June 2010-June 2011), the PDF (professional development fund) and COLA (cost of living allowance) have been suspended but will return in the second year of the contract

o   If a holiday falls on an employee’s regular day off, instead of being able to take deferred holiday and banking the hours, an employee is forced to take the day before or after (it is specific, but depends on the situation) – ** the workaround is through changing your schedule in SAP to accommodate holiday

o   BHR has changed their interpretation of existing language regarding flex-time and holidays.  The new interpretation does not allow people to use flex time to make up remaining time on holidays, thus requiring people to use vacation or unpaid time.  Naomi gave the following example: she works a Wed-Friday schedule, working 8 hours on Wednesday and Thursday and 4 hours on Friday.  When a holiday falls on a Monday, she is forced to take it on the following Wednesday (per the change explained above).  Since she’s half-time, she gets 4 hours of holiday pay for each holiday, leaving 4 hours to be accounted for on the Wednesday she takes the holiday.  BHR’s new interpretation does not allow her to make up the 4 hours within the same pay period.  She has to use vacation or take unpaid time.  ** The workaround is as above- have your supervisor temporarily change your schedule in SAP.

Rachel urged COPPEA members to stay in touch by logging into the COPPEA website (www.coppea.org) or contacting their bureau rep if they have any questions with the new contract.

There was a discussion over part-time vs. job-share, which is easier, more flexible, etc.  Mindy Brooks, who formerly had a job-share at BES, now works part-time for BPS, offered that her job is flexible because she is “positive pay”, which means that she does not have a set schedule in SAP.  Her workaround for taking forced holidays is to make up the time within the pay period.  When asked if it was more pressure to work more if one is part-time (versus job-share, where there is a fixed number of hours) she mentioned that it depends on the manager.  That seemed to be the consensus of the meeting: it depends on the manager, it depends on the bureau.  Some bureaus at this time seem to have more capacity (or the stomach for) part-time employees, others do not.

Darcy offered up the idea that this group write a letter to Commissioner Fritz or Council to advocate for more flexibility throughout the City when it comes to part-time employment, as a family-friendly approach and a strategy for job-retention.  Additionally, it was mentioned that the City explore a family-leave policy that is greater than above-minimum Federal and state requirements (Darcy mentioned that during election time, Commissioner Fritz had been surprised before that the City does not have a paid-leave policy).

Notes:

HR was asked to come to the meeting to explain new administrative rules around part-time, job-share and flex-time, but they were unable to find someone to attend.  If there are any questions, please forward them here and we will try to get a response from HR.

If we missed any points or notes, please comment!

January Meeting Notes: Spring Break and Summer Camps!

Special thanks to CityMamas Sandra Wood and Andrea Matthiessen and Portland Park &; Recreation's Joan Hallquist for facilitating today's discussion on Spring Break/Summer Camps!

Before our meeting, we quickly discussed events/film suggestions for the City's Women's History Month (March 2011) Planning Committee, which Lora had offered to take to the CityMamas group.  The theme is: Our Women Making History, and the focus will be on local women.  If you have any suggestions in this vein (especially with a local mom bend), want to know more, or have any questions, please email Lora.

Also, we are taking suggestions/recommendations for topics in the upcoming meetings!  Some suggestions to date have included:

• Part-time/flex-time rules, experiences, perhaps with COPPEA, DCTU, other unions and Moms who have some experiences navigating this world
• Buddy system for New Moms
• How to talk to your children about sex/stranger danger
• How to talk to your children about bereavement/loss 
• Kindergarten Roundup Update

If any of these are at cost, would the group be willing to pay $5-10/per person?  Lora will check on DEEP funding.  Please send any other suggestions/recommendations to your co-chairs: Lora, Courtney, Darcy.


Joan, from Parks:
Portland Parks & Recreation offers many camps for all ages!  For the older kids (teenagers), Junior Leaders is a great way to build community service hours and learn to be a leader!  Also, they can enroll in becoming a Junior Lifeguard to teach swim classes.  Highly recommended by Joan, who is the mother to a teenage daughter herself.

Year-round opportunities are on all PPR "Sites" (go to the website above, click on "Find a Park" and click the "Community Center" button to find the site near you.  Other sites include Multnomah Art, Environmental Community Center, and Community Music Center.  Many of the camps also interface with OMSI, the zoo, and pools.

Note: The Portland Parks summer schedule comes out on the 2nd Monday in April (unfortunately, several months after many of the private camps open registration and consequently become full).  Call your specific site NOW if you are interested in a certain program, especially to find out if there's a wait list for pre-school, as these fill up the fastest.

Also, check out PPR's Summer Free-for-All, which includes concerts and movies in the park, the playground program, and the mobile program - all free, and many include lunches (for 18 and under - parents are on their own).

Sandra and Andrea: 

• Plan your summer according to WHEN you need care (about 11 weeks of summer).  Figure out start and end dates, plus your vacation weeks.
• Plan vacations along the traditional weeks (Sunday - Saturday), because most camps are offered Monday - Friday.  This way, you don't have to pay for camps that your child won't be attending completely.
• Talk to other parents to coordinate your child's camp with friends (camp can be scarier than daycare or school - lots of unfamiliar faces, unfamiliar routine)
• Consider if the camp has a before or after camp program since most camps are 9-3
• In planning, think about commute
• Give your kids a choice in camps?  Allow them to pick from choices of camps that are convenient to get to, in your budget, etc.  Ask if there were any camps from last year that they didn't like
• Recommend scheduling your summer so that you have some "down time".  Don't overschedule vacations and camps every other week. 
• Put together a matrix - chart your schedule.  This can include:
• Location
• Cost
• Before/After care? Times
• Available ages
• What friends can also attend camp - carpool?
• Phone number of camps

• Register early.  (Andrea usually has the summer scheduled by end of March - which makes the earlier point about PPR's schedule coming out as late as April difficult.)
• Start your child in camp as early as before kindergarten (that way, if they are still in daycare and don't like camp, they can always return to daycare - also a good transition before kindergarten)
• Sandra organized a "girl camp" one week for her daughter and two other friends (3 kids seemed a manageable number).  Each parent took a day off to spend with the girls, and they had "unscheduled" time.  Less expensive and less scheduled.  Recommends this once in the summer.
• CityKids will allow kids throughout summer, as long as they are under 6
• Recommended, tried camps among Moms present:
• Trackers
• Y camp downtown
• BodyVox
• Oregon Children's Theatre
• Saturday Academy
• Mittleman Jewish Community Center
• Camp Vida
• Camp Namanu
• Audobon Camp
• Zoo
• OMSI
• Many of these camps are open now!  Check them out.
• What about cost of camps?  Portland Parks ~ 150/week.  Other private camps can cost up to $300/week
• MetroKids comes out with Summer Camp guide March 2010  - last year's edition is not online anymore :(

Other suggestions?  Comments?

September Meeting Notes: Panel Discussion with PPS and PTAs

Special thanks to our PTA moms: Amy and Rebecca and also to our Portland Public Schools reps: Judy Brennan and Nancy Hauth!

Resources:
http://www.pps.k12.or.us/departments/kindergarten/1591.htm
There are some great materials on this page, including a calendar of activities to do before kindergarten and also, the ABCs of Kindergarten.  Great stuff!

Question 1 – How to start getting involved at your school

• Be very specific with the teacher about wanting to be involved
• Be open to the teachers style and what that teacher needs; focus on learning achievement
• Don’t be afraid to ask how to do things or asked to shadow a more experienced volunteer
• You can volunteer for other things as well
• Cafeteria or library – ask the office about what they need
• Kindergarten round-up always needs volunteers and it will get you plugged in early
• Room parent – kids love it!
• PTA is a great place to be involved on committees and get to know other parents
• Each school is different but PTA generally focuses on fundraising, e.g. events, books for library, support artists-in-residence – budges vary depending on the schools
• Sometimes it’s best for committees if working parents pair up with stay-at-home parents to spread work and time
• Site Council – governance with staff and teachers; there are usually 2-3 parent positions
• Anecdotally, there is not much difference between working and non-working parents
• Get to know parents of students in upper grades – helps you navigate the school, teachers, etc.
• Keep yourself grounded in achievement and learning for your child and other children in the classroom

 Question 2 – Communicating with your child

• If your teacher sends out weekly communications, then you can use that to ask lead-in questions of your child
• You have to pretend you are the talk show host and they are the guest
• Be open to teacher’s communication style
• Facebook parents in the PTA or in your child’s class – get to know them
• In Portland, the Parent Assist tool is being revamped and will be a good online tool

 Question 3 – What about before/after school care

• Many schools have programs but you need to inquire early and often because space is limited
• Ask about this at Kindergarten Round-Up
• When you meet teachers, administrators or other parents ask them what questions you should be asking.
• There are other programs, not specific to the school, that are good alternatives – YMCA is an example
• Multnomah County Child Care Resource and Referral can help you find a good program
• When you start interview programs for your child be “business-like” about it.  Figure out what you need most to make your schedule and life work and focus on those things.

 Question 4 – What is the best way to work with the principle

• Always start with the teacher.
• If you have worked with the teacher, send an email or letter to both the principle and teacher about what happened. 
• Be diplomatic
• Focus on the issue
• Keep written communication for a record
• The principle and/or vice principle is usually at the PTA meetings, so you can chat with them then
• Don’t wait until you are really upset or until you have to say “We’ve been having trouble all year long.”  Address things right away so you can be level-headed and get it resolved before it becomes a big problem.
• Try to act like your child is an employee and you are addressing a concern with their manager.  Don’t be in “mom mode”, be a business woman.

 Last words of advice

• You are your child’s 1^st teacher.  Be open with them and set a good example of how to deal with difficult or frustrating situations.
• Give yourself credit – this is hard
• Maintain a good sense of humor
• Pick your battle wisely – think if this is really worth the anxiety
• Always speak positively about school, tell your child about your good school experiences
• Keep an open mind about the teacher – they may not be your favorite but they may be doing a great job teaching your child. 
• Practice opening lunches before school starts (some kids have trouble with juice boxes, containers, etc.)
• Remember that many teachers are also working parents

Food/Health Notes from Nov Mtg

Thanks Heather, Courtney and Spud!!

Spud generously donated healthy snacks to group: fruits/veggies, chips and dips!

Darcy shared about Spud's organic home delivery service, which she loves. She gets all her produce and dairy products and more delivered every Tuesday by ordering online. Get a $25 discount after four deliveries (no charge on orders over $33). Coupon: CRODAR

Read more on Darcy's blog: Sustainable Family Finances

Notes from Heather's part of the discussion:

• Fruit and veggies at every meal
• Don't worry about getting enough protein, worry about fruits/veggies
• Create a supportive community to share and encourage
• Meal swapping with neighbors and friends is a great way to reduce cooking duties (just prepare twice as much!)
• Heather cooks a big batch of oatmeal every week, quinoa for adults
• Kids love smoothies and often will eat berries that they won't touch otherwise
• Respect preferences but continue to put brusell sprouts on their plates
• Always serve two different veggies at dinner
• Roast everything together - kids love roasted cauliflower
• Mix half or 2/3 cauliflower with potatoes for "mashed potatoes"
• Darcy asked about what to do with leftover acorn squash that the rest of the family won't touch - Mindy suggested making milkshakes with nutmeg, yum!
• Puree squash to include in grilled cheese sandwiches
• Transition kids to plain yogurt - use honey or homemade jam - TJs has fruit preserves with less sugar to add flavor without so much sugar
• Use a cheesecloth to make your own Greek yogurt - way less expensive!
• Talked about how short lunches are - kids need to be able to open their own lunches - have them practice. Don't waste time on carrots (serve as after school snack).
• Keep it simple - hearty sandwich with granola bar.
• Feed Our Families

Link to Courtney's Food Sharing Notes

Courtney's Meal Planning - 3 week example

Courtney's Weight Loss Resources

Weight Watchers (website, meetings, facebook, tweets, magazine, cookbooks)

Clean Eating (magazine, cook books)

Feed Our Families (blog and FB)

Couch to 5K – training program (podcasts, website)

Bally’s Total Fitness (multiple locations – many with kids clubs, FB, tweets)

About.com: Running (emails with information and ideas)

NikePlus (tracks pace, distance, etc)

Map My Run (maps your route, tracks pace, distance, etc)

Map My Walk (tracks pace, distance, etc)

Run Like A Mother: The Book (book, blog, FB)

Runners World (magazine, FB, Tweets, website)

Women’s Running (magazine, FB, Tweets, website)

urbanMama Runners (FB and local running group)

Food Preservation presentation

Hi cityMamas,

In case you missed the June mtg, here is the presentation:

Food Preservation 101.

I made my first-ever batch of strawberry-rhubarb jam this past weekend and hope my garden starts growing soon for a fall harvest...

Happy Jamming!

Darcy

April 8th Mtg - Leave policy

Introductions and brief sharing (weaning, biting, cocoon sleep, tantrums, t-ball...)

Judy Bishop, the City's HR specialist for parental leave will be a guest presenter. She shared info about leave policy (not all geared to pregnant moms, but also to "sick child" policy)

Here is the handout on how to keep your time during FMLA/OFLA Leave

Notes:

• FMLA was passed in 1993 by Clinton to guarantee job and benefits during maternity leave, also includes rights for taking care of sick family members or yourself.
• Allows 480 hours, total of 12 weeks full time per calendar year. In general, it is 12 workweeks based on the employee’s workweek (full-time, 40 hours per week employee entitled to 40x12=480).
• Intermittent or reduced scheduled leave is possible with your manager's approval
• If you decide to work a reduced schedule when you return, using any remaining leave helps you keep full-time status (which matters for raises and retirement.)
• Everything needs to be approved ahead of time, so it's best to request the full allowance even if you are planning on a shorter leave, just in case
• You can reserve or bank up to 40 hours of vacation/comp time. Non-reps and most labor contracts allow employees to reserved up to 80 hours of vacation and comp time combined.
• OFLA allows for another 12 weeks, but you are not allowed benefits - one mom couldn't take the leave because her husband is a student and the family needs their benefit, another paid for the coverage through COBRA.
• It’s important to clarify that the additional 12 weeks of OFLA is available to a woman when she takes leave related to pregnancy. If her leave is covered under OFLA only, and is not in paid status for enough hours to be benefits eligible, she will receive notice of to continue coverage under COBRA.
• OFLA and FMLA cover pregnancy disability for absences related to pregnancy, including routine prenatal appointments, severe morning sickness, pregnancy complications and after child birth - complications or illness are not required to be approved for the disability, a perfectly healthy pregnancy is covered.
• Postpartum depression is also covered, even if it occurs some time after you've returned to work.
• We talked a bit about how more fathers are using paternity leave and how that can also be used intermittently to have a reduced schedule for the first several months. It can also be used after the Mama returns to work to help lighten the parenting load. Eligible Moms or Dads are entitled to 12 workweeks of continuous parental leave (bonding time). They would have to get pre-approval from their manager/bureau to take parental leave intermittently or as a reduced schedule. They would need to submit the request, including the proposed schedule prior to the start of the leave.
• We also had a discussion about sick-child leave. Every parent is allowed 40 hours per year for basic kid illnesses (flu, chicken pox). It's really important to use this first, as it can't be counted against you the same way that prolonged personal sick leave may. Employees may use accrued sick leave (up to 40 hours per calendar year from their sick leave bank) to caring for an ill or injured family member, specifically their spouse, domestic partner, parent, child or other person for whom the employee is legal guardian. Dependent care can also be used to the family member to a routine doctor or dentist appointment. Here’s the confusing part...If a family member has a serious health condition the the dependent care is a protected absence under family medical leave. “Sick child leave”, under OFLA, is different. If a parent has a child under 18, who is sick with a NON-serious illness (such as the flu or chicken pox) they can be off work to provide home care and the absence is covered under OFLA “sick child leave”. The employee would use dependent care leave but it would also be coded as OFLA dependent care leave. If they used up their 40 hours of dependent care they would use their vacation leave but it would be vacation leave coded as OFLA protected as well.
• FMLA also covers chronic health issues on a intermittent level. One mom realized in the meeting that she could/should have been using this leave for her son's surgeries and monthly check-ups. You would be protected, and allowed up to 25 hours in 180 day period.
• Courtney point out the obvious "If we all had paid family leave for a year, we wouldn't be having this discussion!"

Thanks Judy for being a warm and knowledgeable resource for working Moms!

May Meeting Notes: Three Pillars of Optimal Health

This month, CityMamas joined the Women's Affinity Group Meeting on May 13th.  Dr. Greg Nigh, a Naturopathic Doctor and Licensed Acupuncturist from Nature Cures Clinic presented three strategies that can dramatically reduce stress and increase your health.  Here are some notes I jotted down from his presentation:

In Naturopathic practice, there are a few basic principles:

• Find and treat causes of symptoms (not symptoms)
• Symptoms are the clues and not the problems to cover up.
• Avoid suppression
• Bodies are good at being healthy, if we stay out of their way.

*****************************************************************

He presented 3 pillars of optimal health: 

  

1.  Eliminate anything that isn't supposed to be there.

• allergens, infections, heavy metals (such as mercury or lead), hormonal imbalances, and most importantly, FOOD
• FOOD is the most important clue that pushes people out of balance
• Dr. Nigh practices elimination of foods and then reintroduction to determine cause
• a book on the Nature Cures Clinic website takes you through elimination dieting
• the brain is made up mostly of oil.  Unhealthy oils = unhealthy brain
• occasional mild short-term stress is good.  chronic heavy stress is very bad.

2.  Provide whatever isn't there in sufficient amounts.

• vitamins, minerals, oils, sufficient blood (circulation in general), and other nutrients
• basic vitamins: B complex (6 & 12), A, C, D, E
• basic minerals: magnesium, potassium, lithium, boron, zinc.
• for instance, most people don't get enough magnesium.  When magnesium deficient, blood pressure goes up, hypertension.  Epsom salt bath helps!
• basic herbs: ginkgo, green tea
• Labs are essential for understanding the underlying cause of symptoms

3.  Remove stress.

• Stress isn't a thing; it's a way of thinking or a pattern of thinking about our circumstances
• Stress management is THOUGHT management
• Stress is one of the single greatest contributors to poor health.
• Stress is a choice we make about what will occupy our thoughts in this moment NOW.  
• Thoughts + physical reaction to thoughts = stress.
• Time and effort spent in meditation that occurs earlier in the day can carry over in stressful situations that occur later.

Dr. Nigh's take-home exercise (to practice any time, all the time).  He uses a pill-timer that vibrates in his pocket every 20 minutes to remind him to do the following:

• Stop.  Stop thinking what you're thinking.

• Notice, categorize, and scan your body.  Notice what you're thinking and categorize it to see if there are patterns, e.g. I'm remembering an argument with my child, I'm feeling right about something that happened today, etc.  He says you will start to notice the same types of thoughts occurring.  It helps to be aware of what is causing you stress.  Scan your body to determine what contracted with that thought, and to relax the muscle that contracted. 

• What are you doing now?  Start to narrate what you're doing now, e.g. I'm reading this blog.  I'm sitting.  I have my legs crossed.  The longer you can keep up the narration, the more you can manage our stress, because it is challenging to hold "present awareness".  

This whole process takes just a few seconds.  It may help you to stop the stressful thoughts, and to think and live in the present.  It may even stop you from thinking the stressful thoughts before they happen. 

There were about 8 CityMamas in attendance.  
  

Any thoughts on the presentation?   Has anyone tried the exercise?  Anything to add that I've missed?

March Notes - Toxic Free Family

Thanks to our two guest speakers, Jen Coleman from the Oregon Environmental Counciland Caran Goodall from Metro. They both specialize in helping families reduce their household toxins and find environmentally friendly solutions.

Jen gave an overview of family related toxin's policy and how we can advocate for our children. She gave an update on the recent legislation to ban BPA in baby bottles that failed. She encouraged us all to throw away old bath toys (or any soft toy that smells). Toys made after 2009 should be safe, but the smell test is important.


Healthy Child Healthy World: Creating a Cleaner, Greener, Safer Home

Caran shared about healthy alternatives and provide some household cleaning recipes, and a great reference index from one of her favorite books, Easy Green Living.



Easy Green Living: The Ultimate Guide to Simple, Eco-Friendly Choices for You and Your Home

Both presenters got lots of questions from the Mamas who came, so notes are a bit tricky. There were also lots of hand outs. Please email Darcy if you would like copies or have specific info you're looking for.

We also had a fun activity at the end of the meeting, we made a very quick, easy and safe soft scrub.

Basic Soft Scrub Recipe:
1/2 cup baking soda
Enough liquid soap or detergent to make a frosting-like consistency
5 drops antibacterial essential oil such as lavender,tea tree oil, or rosemary (optional)

Pour the baking soda in a bowl; slowly pour in the liquid soap or detergent, stirring all the while, until the consistency reaches that of frosting. Scoop the creamy mixture onto a sponge, wash the surface, and rinse.

Meeting Notes: Ready, Set, Garden - February 11, 2010

February's meeting brought a roomful (twelve Mamas and one baby Ruby! Thanks, Colleen, for bringing her in) all ready to start gardening.


**Announcements**

• COPPEA is in the middle of contract negotiations. All options must be on the table by March 1. Questions? Contact Lora Lillard.
• Daycare for city of Portland employees children remains to be a challenging prospect. Contact Colleen Jenkins if you want to discuss daycare issues with the City.
• Mayor Adams wants to expand benefits to include gender reassignment surgery - why not fertility treatments? Discussion?

CSA Information
Lora shared some information about CSAs (Community Supported Agriculture). For more information about CSAs and Portland area options, click here. Some things to consider when you contact the CSA or browse their website:

• Location and pick up times - if weekday is not convenient, can you pick up at a nearby farmer's market?
• What do they grow? Will you eat it? For example, does it have only vegetables? Are eggs important to you?
• Cost/week - comparison
• How long is the season
• How much food? Should you share a box?
• Is there an open farm day/work days/educational opportunity for your family?
• What's the history of the farm? Family owned?
• Newsletter and recipes?

City Mama recommended from the CSA Coalition List:

• Deep Roots Farm - Kristen Erbes: "I used Deep Roots because they offer a Farmer's Market Credit - buy a share in advance and then use that credit at their stand @ the Farmer's Market. Works for me because we often travel - might not use something in a box, etc. I get to choose what/how much of what I need & will use. And they allow credit to be carried over from season to season if you don't use it all."
• Vicki's Harvest Box at Sungold Farm - Lora Lillard: "Recommended! Joined last year - loved that they include fruit (berries!) and veggies and had open farm day for families. Wish they had eggs too. Newsletter & recipes a plus!

There are also two charity CSAs that you may consider using:

• Living Goddess - donates all proceeds to SafeChoice for domestic violence resources
• Project Grow - provides employment for adult's with developmental disabilities, inner NE

Have you used a CSA? Care to comment/share your experience?

Ready, Set Garden!

Mindy got started on a lively discussion for What to do in February, assuming that you have a garden spot now. She passed out a worksheet and proceeded to dive right in. The worksheet had a lot of great tips and notes, but here are some additional highlights:




What to do in February?

• Now is the time to get your garden spot ready - turn over the soil and add compost.
• You should compost in between plantings as well.
• Great resource for buying seeds: Territorial Seeds - they also have great how-to videos! Check it out.
• Plant fruit trees/ berry bushes now.
• Prune existing fruit trees now.
• Rotate your garden every year. Never plant the same plants in the same spot every year. For many reasons, but some plants are hard on soil, or extract too many of one type of nutrient from soil - needs to be replenished with a different plant.

Design your garden:

• Write a list of what you want to eat from your garden
• Make sure it will fit.
• Figure out what things need to grow and how long they need to grow.
• Think about companion plants (Worksheet has some good tips.) Pay attention to things that are BAD companions.
• Also, decide how you want to eat your food, what freezes, what can be preserved, etc. E.g. Lettuce must be eaten when it's ready - can't preserve or freeze it.
• Think about perennials that come back and don't need replanting, e.g. asparagus, rhubarb, etc.

Specific crops:

• Corn. Don't plant corn unless you have LOTS of space. They need 4 rows at least, and they have a large growing season (85-100 days). If you want corn, try "Precocious" variety. It has a relatively short growing season, 65-75 days.
• Winter Squash. Trails a lot. Needs lots of space. 100 day growing season. It does well here, because it needs late summer heat.
• Tomatoes. Prune the heck out of tomatoes when they start flowering. They hate getting bushy. Cut the leaves above the flowers. Later in the season, you can cut the flowers so that the plant can concentrate on fruits that are already there. Heirlooms are easy to grow, and expensive at the farmer's market. Recommend growing from starts (not seeds).
• Peas. Grow on a trellis. Don't trim them. They can grow very early. Should go in now. Use stakes - wood or metal - and twine. Can use this system for cucumbers as well, once peas are done. Cut twine when ready to harvest and retwine.
• Pole beans. Plant in a round - 3 stake tee pee, 6 feet tall. They grow all the way up. "Kentucky Wonder" a good, standard green bean.
• Lettuce - Grow in thirds, so that you don't have all your lettuce at once. Mezcalin, "Cut and come again" variety. Grow now until June, and plant again in September. Tuck into places near other plants.
• Green onions/leeks. Ready when they look like you want to eat them.
• Cilantro and mint (and other "weeds"). Yummy but take over. Grow in containers.
• Parsnips, carrots, and beets. Overwinter. Better to eat if you leave them.
• Marigolds and basil. Tuck these in the garden. Marigolds bring good bugs.

Other notes:

• Liquid fence helps against deer, rabbits, etc. A combination of egg white, garlic, etc. fermented. Reallly smells bad.
• Slugs - Ground up egg shells around the stalk of plants or copper or hand-removal works best!
• Avoid weeds by agitating the soil with a stirrup hoe (or regular hoe). Walk around the plot, and "agitate" - hit everything that is not a plant, once a week (all soil and weeds). Seeds of weeds do not have a chance to sprout.
• Tip from Spin Gardening class for planting and weeding rows: Stand with legs wide apart, squat, plant 2 rows at a time, back up, repeat. The paths you create with each foot becomes a walking path. Can weed this way too.
• How much is soil by the yard? Around $90? With a minimum delivery. Share with your neighbors to cut costs!
• Planting strategy: Plant now - peas and lettuce, broccoli, radishes, spinach, cabbage.
• Mother's Day: Plant tomatoes and peppers.

Urban Growth Bounty Classes - sign up here. Classes now until fall.

Happy planting! Thanks to Mindy Brooks for all her wisdom, and for sharing these great tips! Share your planting stories this year as you garden!

Marriage & Stress Notes - January 2010

Amy Wesson, a mother of four and parenting teacher for Providence's Bringing Home Baby class shared her thoughts on how to "babyproof" a marriage. Amy also really encourages parents taking the class upon the arrival of their second child, since it is not how-to parent class, but how to build a solid foundation. Here are the top notes:

• "Ring the bell" when you agree on something - acknowledge when something goes well
• Build the core strength for times of stress
• Create a "Love Map" - pretend like you are dating and reask all the simple questions like "What's your favorite color?" or "What kind of animal would you want to be?" Get to know each other anew as parents. You both probably aren't the same as when you first met.
• "Men are afraid that women will change and women are afraid that men will never change!"
• During stress you can only deal with top level issues - like survival
• Try to get out of survival mode in your relationship
• Create a positive perspective - compliment each other
• Less worry and fear - let it be
• Active listening - all ears, no arguing
• Take time before your baby arrives or when you have support
• Physically get away sometimes - a quick walk for fresh air can change your view
• Try to have small stress reducing conversations
• Treat yourself well - eat well/get exercise
• Tips for navigating mundane tasks
• Be conscious about what you are soliciting or bidding - is you nagging going to have a good outcome?
• Bids - nonverbal, humor, attention, compliments, play, dreaming, shared meaning/purpose
• Be clear and direct - husbands are not mind readers
• Notice each other
• Creating a healthy relationship is the best gift you can give a child
• John Gottman - 7 habits of a healthy marriage

Keep the conversation going here by commenting, what works for you? what doesn't?

Faith & Family - November 2009 Mtg Notes

November’s CityMamas meeting included a good group of moms to discuss the process/challenges to finding/practicing religious/spiritual faith as a family. Each mom shared a bit about their own experience and thoughts on whether/how/where to go to church. It was really interesting to hear each other’s stories, and there were a lot of commonalities. Here are some of the top mentions:

-Want to provide guidance for life’s big questions such as death (of family member, of pet), create a community
-Left a family church as a teen/young adult, haven’t attended regularly as an adult
-Difference in religious background from spouse/other parent
-Logistics of where to find information/resources and research church – too time consuming
-Cherish weekend family time, don’t want to rush out the door on Sunday too (or put kids’ in childcare again)
-Want to have control over what kids are learning, and yet not indoctrinate – help them find their own opinion

Darcy invited the Rector from her church, Grace Memorial Episcopal Church to join in the conversation. Father Stephen was more eloquent, but here are some highlights:

-We should stop feeling guilty about where we are on our religious/spiritual journey. It’s the experience and journey that matters.
-Focus on creating meaningful family traditions – meal prayer/thanks, community giving/volunteering, special holiday traditions
-Find your own family path, connect with other families (his family made up the “5 Families” with 5 annual traditions alternating at each home, they created traditions that lasted throughout their children’s upbringing and beyond)
-People today want three main things: feel authentic, feel connected to community, feel creative/expressive
-Faith community offers a structure for the safe exploring of life's questions, to become self-reliant in living life and making choices
-Faith community can answer how are our values sustained beyond the family? Values that are not consumer/marketing culture
-How to decide where to go to practice faith? See the door (of the church/religious institution) as a series of practices or rituals, e.g. prayer, not as a "checklist of beliefs"
-Check out web sites for info on churches – you can typically check schedules, which give you a good idea about what they offer. Check bulletins - do they offer interest groups that reflect an openness? Do they offer interest groups that capture your own values and interests?
-Favorite Quote “The joy of God is a person fully alive.” Children exemplify this.

Children’s Books:

What Is God? by Etan Boritzer

What is God? is an eloquent introduction to the ideas behind God and religion, and brings forward complex ideas in a way children will understand. It is written with a simple clarity and beautifully illustrated with just the right blend of seriousness and humor. What is God? compares different religions — Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism — and their holy books, looks at misunderstandings and arguments among people of different religions, and talks about praying as well as feeling connected to everything in the world. If you want to talk about spirituality with a child, or introduce them to philosophy or religion, or just help them to begin to center themselves and their feelings about the world, this book is a great beginning.
God’s Dream, by Desmond Tutu

When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death

Peaceful Piggy Meditation ~ Kerry Lee Maclean

Web sites & Resources:

Grace Memorial Episcopal Church: http://www.grace-memorial.org/ Located in inner NE, includes family service at 9 the first Sunday of the month, and well known for their summer Grace Art Camp for children.

http://www.faith-at-home.com/

Please add information about other places of worship on the comments.

Oct 7 meeting - NOTES

cityMamas
NOTES
October 7, 2009
1900 Bldg; Room 7A


Attendees
Courtney Duke, PBOT (Owen, 4½ )
Kara Fioravanti, PBS (Vicenzo, 3.5; Francesca; 8 mos.)
Lor Lillard, BPS (Dean, almost three!; Fiona, 11 mos)
Darcy Cronin, Water (Kieran 3.8; Makenna (.8)
Rebecca Geisen, Water (Ian 8; Noah 3)
Julia Giesler, PBS (Avery 14; Annie 12)
Dana DeKlyen, PDC (first meeting – welcome!) (Jacob 8; Charlie 4 ½)
Estee Segal (Orion 2.4)

Guest: Abby Coppock, Portland Better Together (http://www.portlandonline.com/index.cfm?c=49042)

Topic: Volunteering with your family.

Abby from the city’s Portland Better Together gave an overview of the program and ideas for volunteering with kids/families. Portland Better together is on Facebook, become a fan.


Greater Hands on Portland (http://www.handsonportland.org/HomePage/index.php/home.html ) can set up specific project for cityMamas (or other groups). Good projects for all ages include things for the environment (ivy pulls), parks related projects, gardens; farms; SOLV projects; etc. There are few direct service programs for/to kids due to background heck/liability issues. Other ideas: school supply drives (summer); food drives; volunteering at Schoolhouse Supplies (https://www.schoolhousesupplies.org/ ); food box delivery via the food bank (http://www.oregonfoodbank.org/); Sunshine Division (http://www.sunshinedivision.org/.

A great resource is: 211. Information and referral from the County for all different issues. Very helpful.

Members Shared What they Did
Dana DeKlyen’s mom runs a program at the Sunnyside United Methodist church (LINK). Her older son serves meals on Wednesday nights with his grandmother while dad does neighborhood patrol. They are always looking for volunteers and personal items to provide to the customers. These include blankets, socks, travel sizes toiletries, etc.

Courtney’s daycare does a food drive for Neighborhood House in SW Portland (http://www.nhweb.org/). Courtney had a budget ($50) and went shopping with her son at Safeway. He helped pick out food for “kids that don’t have enough to eat.” When purchasing items for school (in lieu of fundraising obligations), she takes Owen to shop and pick out items. Owen’s grandma volunteers at Neighborhood House and he has visited with her. Have also purchased personal items with him and grandma for Neighborhood House.

Rebecca did some food box deliveries with her older son. Could have been a better experience: long line at food bank, ran out of food boxes, locations a bit odd.

Darcy has done SOLV, hydro-park and other neighborhood clean up, Friends of Trees, etc., activities with her family. Make it routine.

HR Rule re: Volunteering
Abby noted that there is an HR rule that allows 4 hours of volunteering. Here is the link to the HR rule that says volunteerism related to the mission of the bureau is allowed: http://www.portlandonline.com/auditor/index.cfm?c=27936&a=12203.

Note from Abby re: HR rule – I looked into that resolution (making it the mission of all bureaus to support youth) and it just wasn’t published online anywhere. Attached is the resolution that went to Council, but this isn’t the formal signed version. Laurel Butman (who organized that pilot program) is on vacation until the end of Oct and she will have more info on that. (Courtney will follow up). Attached to these notes is the .pdf of the draft resolution


Ideas for Future

Adpot a Family
Everyone ok with doing adopt a family again. Courtney will submit forms to Salvation Army.

SOLV Beach Clean Up
Make it a beach weekend with camping! Darcy will follow up.

Zenger Farms
Volunteer/tour Zenger Farms (city owned). Estee will follow up.

Drives for Neighborhood House and Sunnyside
All wanted information on drives for things families work on. Post to website (with link/reminder in an email).

Blog
The blog is up and running. Most folks still wanted an email to at least remind them to check the blog. We will continue to do so.

Next Meetings
Tentative date: November 4 – Portland Blgd.
Topic: Faith – what do you do? Changed since have kids? Will have a speaker. Details to follow.

December 2 – Social Lunch out at location to be determined

Notes from Sep's "Back to School" Mtg

I tried to post this as a comment to the mtg announcement, but it was too long to allow it. I'll just start tagged the NOTES so that you can find them easily. Have a great weekend!

cityMamas’ Affinity Group
September 2, 2009
12:00 – 1:30
Portland Development Commission – Commission Room

Welcome!
The meeting was hosted by Estee Segal and Lisa Gramp, who are both working mothers at PDC. Thanks!

Introductions
Brief introductions and check-ins about what we’re dealing with lately.

Discussion
There were three “panelists” brought in to share their perspective on the topic of School Choice, Olivia, Marlys and Julie. All of the moms happen to live in N/NE, despite trying to more moms from other areas. Below are the questions we made beforehand, and most were covered, but not necessarily in this order:

• Can you tell us a bit about your family, like how old are your kids and what neighborhood you live in?
• What research did you do to learn about your school options?
• Did you feel like you had a choice? What recommendations do you have for parents whose neighborhood school has a bad reputation?
• What factors were most important to you in choosing a school (location, test scores, diversity, special focus)?
• What's most important now that your kids are in school; good principal, teachers, ratio, etc? Are you happy with the school?
• Is joining the PTA the best way to get involved in your school? Are there other mechanisms for getting involved? Is fundraising key? Or legislative lobbying?
• What do you wish you would have known earlier? Or still want to learn?